Something easy to start with.

The following is a recent story of my life. I hope that it is as amusing to you as it is to me, now that the event is over.

My dad and I decided that we were going to do some work on his Suzuki Samurai. Particularly change out the oil and oil filter and some other small trivial jobs of the upkeep type. I was rather surprised that this was the plan since ever since my Dad bought a new Jeep Patriot, the Samurai has been rather unused. But it is good to service your vehicles so we set out with much joy to the project.
The sun was shining nice and brightly, however the day was not fore-casted to precede the temperature of around a balmy 80.We finished the small trivial jobs of the upkeep type, ( yes I copy pasted that to save time, but now I find that in typing this explanation I might as well have re-worded it) and so we set out to do the oil change. I am sure that most of you know to change the oil in a vehicle. It is not an over difficult task. I have been "privileged" to do so a few times. But never with a torque wrench. We (my Dad) decided that to be more professional we should use a torque wrench. Well... I was unsure as to the need of the tool. Any other time that I have been "privileged" to change the oil I have done it with an ordinary wrench. In fact it was after removing the bolt in the bottom of the oil pan that keeps the oil in the pan, with an ordinary wrench, and after draining the oil, that my Dad decided to replace the ordinary wrench with the torque wrench. Here is the situation in words. My Dad is standing up next to the Samurai. He gives me the Torque Wrench, set to the proper setting. I start to wrench the bolt into place. Now here is the clincher. Whether because the the bolt was not very good (sounds likely to me) or if because there was no washer to prevent "bottoming out" (sounds likely to me), or if maybe I was over-zealous in my want to drive "The Bolt" in, (sounds highly unlikely to me, why would I want to work harder?), WELL FOR SOME REASON THE BOLT WOULD NOT STOP TURNING!!! Nor would it back out. So now "The Bolt" is basically free spinning in place. Wont snug in tight to hold oil in; wont come out so we can replace it. At this point we are faced with a decision. We have another oil pan. we can tear apart the entire engine and replace the oil pan. this would probably take around 5-6 hours. Or we can try to remove the bolt. Of course we try to remove the bolt. The following is the steps we took to try and replace "The Bolt"

1. First we try for around half an hour to use a wrench to remove the bolt while using a flat tip screwdriver to try and pry the tiny edge up. EFFECT= Failed

2. We try many various screwdrivers, pliers, hammers,and wrenches, in many different combinations of tools to try and get "The Bolt" out. EFFECT= Failed

3. We realize that both of our pairs of vice grips are at the camper in storage 20 minutes away. therefore we run down to the local O'reilly and buy a pair for 15 bucks. we then attempt to use this tool in combinations with the other tools previously listed. EFFECT= Failed

4. We decide at this point to cut the head of the bolt off and drive the remainder of the bolt in the oil pan. this is after attempting to use a dremmel to cut slots all along the edge of "The Bolt" to try and use the screwdriver and vice grips more efficiently. After cutting the head off and trying with all the afore mentioned tools to drive the bolt in we come to the EFFECT= Failed

5. We now attempt to drill out "The Bolt" with a regular metal cutting drill bit. Effect=Failed

6. We now have two holes in the "The Bolt" without a head. We run down to the local O'reilly and buy some dangerous looking equipment. A set of cold steal ginormous toothpicks to stab into the holes and twist upon and a set of bolt removing drill bits that work because their threading is opposite normal there fore drilling them in is drilling the bolt out of the spot. Ginormous toothpick... EFFECT= Failed

7. We now try the set of bolt removing drill bits, and for around half an hour they failed, but however as the entire project was getting old, my Dad, using his last minuscule of strength took the vice grips, viced them on as tight as possible to the removing bit, and drove into the bolt. Looking and sounding like a madman. for about 10 minutes this failed. Then suddenly pop out came "The Bolt". The Vice grips had not slipped of the bit as they usually did. the reason of this is because the vice grips had been bent to were they could no longer let go, even if the user wished them too. Also the bolt finally gave up, because it did not unscrew out.... It just popped out. We then replaced the bolt with a bolt that was new, had larger threads, a washer, and a smaller bolt within it self so that it was not necessary to remove the bolt in the pan to let the oil out. After doing this we finished up the jobs on the Samurai, checked that it worked well and went for a test drive. The vehicle worked better than it had in a long while. The entire quick job on the Samurai took about 7 hours. So we will change your oil for you whenever you want, however our flat rate charge is manual labor for two people for 7 hours. and thats 30 bucks an hour. Not to mention tools that you'll need to purchase.

I think that it goes without saying that "The Bolt" had many other names, over the course of the afternoon.